Eva Unit 01


From maccallini.org

Thoughts on Me

1. It’s hard to break bad habits. Like really, really hard. I’m constantly taking new directions in my life and then inevitably falling back into my old ones. It’s difficult because it’s not like I do this on purpose. When I’m making changes in my life, I always feel like this time these changes are going to stick. They just never do.

2. I think I’m becoming more antisocial. I feel like when I used to go out I never wanted to go home but now when I go out I almost can’t wait until it’s an acceptable time for me to bounce. I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older or if I’m just tired of doing the same shit I’ve always done but I would much rather spend time by myself nowadays. 

3. I’m a jealous person. I look at my friends’ lives or people I watch on YouTube and I’m envious. I know I shouldn’t compare myself against anyone else but it’s so hard when other people have so much going on in their lives and I feel like I have nothing. 

4. I always thought when I graduated college I’d finally feel accomplished. But lately, I feel like I wasted so much of it. Instead of being a shitty student, I could’ve worked hard and gotten the most out of school. I wasted so many people’s time and money because I was too lazy and selfish to apply myself. 

5. I’m becoming more honest with myself. I have issues and I’m not sure how to fix them but at least I can admit them to myself. For a long time, I couldn’t do that. #babysteps 

6. I don’t feel like I’m a negative person but whenever people mention my personality that’s basically what they say. It’s hard to hear but I know it’s partly my fault. I am overly critical and I do talk about “downer” issues a lot. But I also feel like I’m pretty funny and I’m always there for other people. Should I be more emotionally open? Should I always be positive about things even when I don’t like them? Maybe if I’ll ask enough questions, I’ll find the answer.